Poker Ramblings of cmitch

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Loopy and I were discussing how crazy the proposal to ban online gambling is(yes, poker is lumped in there as well). What is going to happen next if they take away our freedoms and restrict access to the internet? It is the beginning of the end.

1) Internet poker is banned.
Since everyone in the US that isn’t vaguely familiar with the game seems to lump it in with sports betting and degenerate gambling in general. Regulations must be put in place to protect the large percentage of poker players that are unable to control themselves and rob banks to pay off debts.

2) Internet pornography is banned.
If the gambling thing went through, this will be a piece of cake! Porn is far worse for the family structure than poker and less people are likely to stand up and say: “I emailed my congressman to say I SUPPORT INTERNET PORN!” Plus terrorists obviously get their wild ideas about those virgins waiting for them in heaven from OUR porn websites.

3) State lottery laws revised.
All state lottery’s are now obligated to cut the percentage of money that goes towards education by 50% in order to pay the Federal Government a “lottery tax”. A nationwide powerball lotto is instated with tickets costing $250 (it’s actually $200+50). A new NLHE scratch off game draws huge numbers.

4) Website subscription and content regulation
Forced to unsubscribe from poker and porn sites, Americans must now subscribe to every other site online and sign waivers agreeing to content regulation by a new division of the FCC.

5) Government scanning of all email and web searches
After all - "I don't mind. I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't have anything to hide… really. What? I don’t!"

6) Cell phone / PDA tracking
Requirement to carry and register a cell phone, pda, blackberry, etc. tracked by the government. They must know where you are at all times just in case you are “needed” for something. If you are caught without your device you will be immediately detained and questioned without the presence of a lawyer under the newly created FUCK THE TERRORISTS AND THOSE THAT SUPPORT THEM ACT (FTTATTSTA-06) sponsered by McCarthy's grandson. We all hate the terrorists and if you raise questions about these new laws you must be a terrorist... or at least sympathetic to the terrorists.

7) Inner-Home Security Act introduced
All households required to install cameras inside home. Of course they won't be watching, but the cameras will be there just in case something comes up. This is the only way your innocence can be proven. They can be turned on at any time, but recording isn’t permitted without a court ordered approval. It’s for your own good… obv.

8)Howard Stern mysteriously disappears.

9) Everyone leaves!
Every sane American leaves for a country with more freedom. Top choices include North Korea and Iran. Throw Canada in there as well cuz it’s close. How cold does it get in Canada?

So, you can see we must fight the internet gambling ban. It is the start of the unraveling of our society.

cmitch and Loopy

10 responses to "If They Ban Online Gambling..."

  1. Coastal Canada is pretty warm. Vancouver is the same as San Francisco. Pack your bags and move up here baby! Life is good.


  2. Hey Cmitch. Just wanted to give a shout out for you putting up the MTT buyin for the DADI VII event. I'm going to win that event so I wanted to personally thank you for the buyin. Maybe you can back me and pay another hundy or so to get half of my action ;).

    So you asked on my blog which WSOP event I'm planning to play. As of now it looks like the $2500 buyin event (Event #13) on Friday, July 7.

    When are you going to be out there man? You're in the Main Event, right? So do you plan to be in Vegas before the ME starts, or will you be showing up in late July just for the Big One?

    Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo

  3. Hey CMitch. Are you really concerned about the law? It's just an (mid term) election year ploy, and will have no impact on the reality of online poker. Sure, someone will get in trouble and make the media rounds, but it will be a minute fraction. I'd venture if there were 1000 indictments I would be very surprised. And as you know, there are millions of players in the US, so that is a tiny share. I'm all for public advocacy, but I think it is all going to be found to be for naught. I wish I had that paper I wrote in law school regarding internet poker...


  4. Hoy - Good luck in DADI VII - I think there are a few others out there that have something to say about you winning the event. :) I am not heading out until July 28th. I was asking which event because I wanted to be sure to check your blog when you are playing. I think you will do well.

    Jordan - I do not think that the law will pass this year, but I think it has the possibility of passing in a year or two. Washington State has made it a felony (class 3 - think) to play online poker in the state of Washington and have even shut down websites that have links to online poker rooms. This post was tounge in cheek, but also about the frustation that we may be facing in the near future. Scary thought...


  5. My concern with the legislation is who would be the likely targets if it's passed.

    Surely, the Feds know they can't prosecute everyone who plays. Instead, they might want to bust a few pros or other (relatively) high profile players. Bloggers, for instance. Especially those that pimp poker sites.

    Before you say I'm crazy, I learned from that someone from the Dept. of Justice was on my site for several hours a few months ago. Why? Doing a little research?

    C.L. Russo

  6. Interesting, CL. You may have a very good point. I know they will go after a select few, like they did with Napster users. They'll target people that will make the newspapers, like poker celebrities, really old people, and really young people. They may go after bloggers too. Shit. Ok, let's start a protest.


  7. Effin' awesome post. I have these kind of moments as well. I will do my "If I ruled the world" post later that will include others.


  8. Canada's getting warmer. Vancouver is nice, but Daniel Negreanu lives in cosmopolitan Toronto :)

    I've written several posts about the legal issues about online gambling as well, and some of the hypocrisy involved. We're a bit more relaxed up here in Canada, but that may not last now that we have an ultra-conservative prime minister.


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