O-Poker

…..On the Muppet Show Tonight.

I have been called all sorts of things at the online poker table over the years. I, usually, don’t think twice about it. I always just shrug it off. Most of the name calling is unoriginal and re-hashed. We all know and have heard all the usual comments daily – if not made to us made to others at our table. This weekend was a first. I was called a Muppet. I turned a flush in a NL cash game after calling a $4 bet into a $20 pot. The other guy went all in on the turn and I called with my King high flush hoping he didn’t have an Ace high flush. My flush held up against his two pair (8s and 4s – his whole cards were 84).

I wonder which Muppet he thought I was. Let’s take a look.

Beaker – The guy has some smarts, but is scared of his own shadow. Sounds like he might make for a good internet player. Definitely not good in a live situation – his hands, head, and everything else would shake. He might even soil himself if you put him all in. Online, he could use his math skills to calculate the correct odds while wearing depends.

Kermit – Might be a decent player. After all these years of dodging Miss Piggy, he should be able to “dodge bullets” ala Phil Hellmuth at WSOP this year.

Miss Piggy – Definitely not a good player. She wants what she wants and she wants it now. No Patience. She either chips up early on a suckout or is out before the first break.

Animal – Um, can you say maniac?

Fozzie – He likes the attention and likes to tell jokes. I think he might get a lot of camera time on ESPN if he enters the WSOP - but that’s about it. I would love to hear Norman Chad’s comments on him.

Gonzo – He’s a daredevil performing all kinds of crazy stunts that don’t always work out. Look out for this guy at the table, he could have any two.

Pepe – Loopy’s icon on pokerstars. I don’t know anything about this guy – maybe Loopy can fill in some blanks. I think he is a “Don Juan” type, so he would probably give away all his chips to any beautiful women at the table. No women at the table would probably equal no poker for him.

Statler & Waldorf (the old guys at the opening of the show) – They both are the typical grumpy rock 70+ year old players that you find in every poker room around the world. “Poker on the internet – I can’t even turn on the damn computer.” Gruff old men that piss off everyone at the table and they love it. Neither one of them can figure out where all these darn kids have come from. For some reason, when I think of these guys I think of John Bonetti.

I’m not sure if I fit into the mold of any of the above Muppets. I will have to find the guy that called me the Muppet and ask him.

Remember, if you are going to name call at the table, be original.